Sebab dia adalah aku

Darahnya darahku

Nafasku nafasnya

Kami berbagi jiwa

Kami serupa paras

Pahamku darinya

Hidupku olehnya

Maka bila dia diambil

Apalah aku...

(13 September 2010)

Lalu datanglah Cinta mencobai ...

... Masuk ke dalam jiwanya perlahan-lahan lalu mematikan lilin hidupnya. Membutakan matanya dan membuatnya tersesat. Anak ini terseret ombak air mata. Tenggelam dalam sesaknya ketidakpastian hidup. Karang-karang menggores tubuhnya. Dia terombang-ambing dalam badai ketakutan.

Anak ini merinding kini. Sebab dunia telah berbalik menindihnya. Terseok-seok dia meniti nasib. Dengan bertopengkan aku sebagai perisainya. Dunia tidak lagi seindah dahulu. Dan hadirlah aku sebagai dia yang bersembunyi.

I believe in kindness...

I believe in sincerity that warms the world
smiles that rise the sun
and kisses that light the moon

I believe in holding hands and peace
laughter and mothers' love
humanity and mother nature

I know
it's just a flick away inside all of us

Sebab dialah Cinta...

... Yang sudah menghujamku dengan asa dan merayuku dengan duri. Membelaiku dengan badai dan mencuri berlian penglihatanku. Dia menyepak kepastian jiwaku dan memasung kepala serta kakiku. Menindih rusukku. Menekan nafasku. Kata-kataku terampas. Tawaku tertampar.

Disini aku bersimbah darah berlinang air mata. Seperti mati yang hidup. Dan disana Cinta menari berselendangkan chandra. Di bawah pelita kehampaanku yang redup.

Namanya Cinta...

... Dan betapa aku ingin dia mati. Terlemparlah dia dua ratus juta dan satu tahun cahaya jauhnya dari tapakku. Terkurunglah dia dua ratus juta dan satu macam setan sebagai kekangnya. Seribu satu macam benang menjahit senyumnya dan seratus satu macam deru melunturkan tuturnya. Biarkan gagak mengambil bola matanya. Lepaskan ombak menyeret bahasanya.

Adalah seorang bernama Cinta...

... Dengan mentari sebagai bola matanya dan rembulan adalah bibirnya. Beliung adalah kerlingannya dan sepoi adalah tutur katanya. Senyumnya adalah mutiara dengan pelangi sebagai busurnya. Langkahnya adalah salju dengan kristal sebagai lambaiannya. Cakrawala adalah dia sebagai raga dan samudra sebagai jiwa.

For certain unfortunate people...

... tongue is not only boneless, but also heartless and brainless.

Our biggest fear is not that we are inadequate...

... It is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? Your playing small doesn't serve the world. We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us, and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

-Marianne Williamson

In Memoriam

Michaelangelo
Warmth of pure sincerity

It spent me hours looking for the one right phrase to describe this youngest member of the family. It brought me so brokenhearted as I slowly tracked back those past years and realized how meaningful his presence was to our lives.

Every morning Mae started the day by barking around the porch. Before his morning walk, he greeted every member of the family by barking and hopping toward us.

In the afternoon, he took a walk around the block. Because he was very chubby, his pace was so slow, even his run was slower than other dogs’ walk. And when we got home from work, he was the first one to greet us. Yes, we could already hear him from a few houses away.

When we watched TV at night, he would slip through between our feet and just lay there with us until bedtime at around 10.

One morning, Mae was found injured on the sidewalk. Nobody knew what has happened. His abdomen area was badly bruised and his back-left foot was broken. He had to spend 2 nights at the clinic and couldn’t eat at all for 6 days because of internal damages. He strongly struggled through every vomit and finally managed to eat and learned to walk again, until one morning, February 5th, 2008, he passed away.

Thanks for being so strong to stay with us longer, Mae.
Thanks for such warmth of your pure sincerity.

We love you so much, Michael…
And we will miss you even more…
But I guess you’ve already known that.